You remember the scripture where God tells Adam that now that he ate the fruit of the tree of life, he's going to have to labor "by the sweat of thy brow"? Understandable. Work is an important element of life; now that we have it, we know that. Maybe not all of us--after all, Tevye dreams of having the easy life. But those of us with a little moderation can have the perspective to realize that, yeah, I'll take meaningful work over bumming around all day.
But, hey, I have a kid and he makes me sweat (at least as much as anybody sitting at a computer in an air conditioned office and often more). I'm working by the sweat of my brow and my pockets are still empty. Heck, if I didn't have a spouse in law school meriting a fellowship and loans up the wazoo, my fridge would be empty too. Many other mothers and potential mothers I know either are working while raising kids or are planning on working while having kids. Most everyone in a position like ours could really use the money, but many people choose to do both because they prefer it. People like that make me feel lazy because in reality what I want to spend most of my time doing is raising a passel of children. (Yes, that's right. I did just say "passel.")
In my ideal world, children would come with their own health insurance and there'd be an hourly wage for mothers per chore and per child. A friend of mine at church is working as a nanny for two kids. I can't help thinking, "She's doing my ideal job--in fact, my actual and current job (minus #2 kid)--but she's getting paid to do it." Of course, I realize there isn't anyone to pay me, and I realize that part of the benefit of being a parent is the sacrifice without monetary rewards. But I don't need the money as reward so much as I could really use it for, um, groceries or rent. Okay, I admit, a new Sunday skirt just might come out of this imaginary wage, but considering that my most recent acquisition in the skirt department is a few years old (not counting the clothes my mom got me for while I was pregnant), I hardly think that could qualify as a "reward," per se.
Realistically, I know that women who are raising kids and working are taking on more work than I am, but realistically the idea of me doing it gives me a migraine -- and I don't even get migraines. Partially, this is my own long-established bias that homes with stay-at-home moms who like staying-at-home are healthier and more ideal (with the caveat that mothers must socialize outside their families for this to be the case). Partially, this might be laziness, but I've never really thought of myself as lazy. I've always tried to do my work well. Perhaps that's the real issue. I am pretty sure that spreading myself so thinly would stretch me too taut to do a great job of being a mother, which, as I said, is really the only job I care about right now. I mean, as it is, I'm a live-in housekeeper of sorts and a full-time babysitter of sorts -- those are two pretty demanding jobs on their own. Sometimes I feel like that spreads me thin enough.
Admittedly, wanting to be exclusively a full-time mom is not a politically correct desire. (I read some article by a lady saying that women who choose to stay at home are deluded and stupid and ruining the world for every other woman -- the idiot's version of feminism.) And I know it really isn't how everybody else feels. But I suspect that everybody who has kids (even if they want to work outside the home) would be delighted if they could make some money doing it. But, as that isn't going to happen anytime soon, we'll just have to be a little creative with our saving techniques and possibly with our money-making devices. Ah, if only I were the Mary Kay or Lia Sophia type. But, alas, as anyone who knows me knows, I'm simply not. Something else incredibly flexible is just gonna have to present itself . . . oh, wait, anybody want to pay me for this novel-like blog entry? That's pretty much the next best thing. Let me just get my bank account information, so you can transfer the funds . . .
(Dear Kathleen, now that I know how much it annoys you not to have pictures, I suspect I will get a perverse pleasure out of any entry that doesn't have pictures. Isn't it nice to know I'm thinking of you?)
4 comments:
Juan and I had a discussion yesterday. Some women who say they prefer to work while raising their kids say that out loud because they have to work, and therefore take the optimistic side of it saying they prefer to. Granted they may have to work because they can't stick to a budget, or to support their shopping habit.
I will be a working mother for 2 months, and I will be counting down the days until I can just be at home with my child all day everyday. In a way you are getting paid for your efforts. Your bonding with your son, your comfortable, clean home. It's just not monetary.
You are funny! And I feel/understand everything you've wrote. Sometimes it's not even the fact that I don't get paid for taking care of OUR child and constantly cleaning, cooking,do the laundryng etc. I just get drained and want a "break" for myself...that is why I say nap times and bedtimes are my favorite!! As drained and frusterated times can be I do think us being home with our children will help them when they are old and will need our trust and guidance the most. Keep your head, soon patrick will be done with school and you'll be telling us about your latest travels and spending and "good life"!
lia sophia...if you ask anyone I am not a social butterfly, I am the listener type. Anyone can do lia sophia and be SUCCESSFUL at it. Don't sell yourself short on things before trying!!
Keegan, from an outsiders perspective you are a WONDERFUL mom and you're doing a great job. We need to play soon. We are headed to Philadelphia through monday for my nephews baptism but we should get together tuesday if you don't have any plans yet. i am serious about a smores party!
Oh, I KNOW we would have had a great discussion about this, were we still walking in the mornings. (the weather is perfect for it right now, by the way...)
as always, I have comments. I think about this a lot.
So, you kind of ARE making money. Not exactly, but by staying home, you don't have to pay anyone else to look after your child- not to mention you are the highest quality parent for your child. You wouldn't be able to pay anyone else enough to to as good of a job. Even if you could, it would probably be more than you would make in a year. Also, you are saving yourself from paying for a maid, a chef... Desires aside, from an economical standpoint, it makes more sense to stay home and do what you're doing, unless you could make more money than it would cost to pay for a full-time nanny, chef and maid AND have something left-over. It may be a different story if you didn't actually want to stay home, but given that you do, there really is no reason for you not to stay home unless there was an extreme need.
So it turns out that your desires lead to the option that makes the most economical sense anyway. PLUS, you WILL get paid when you publish all your New York Times Best Sellers, no? ;D
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