Mawage, that Dweam Wifin a Dweam

I wish I had a husband who would watch the kids while I go away for a Friday evening and a Saturday all day. I wish I had a husband who would straighten up while I'm away, so I come home to a neat house at the end of my outing. I wish I had a husband who would say, "Go enjoy yourself," and wouldn't complain about how little our baby slept during his morning nap. I wish I had a husband who would take our kids to the park while I'm gone. I wish I had a husband who would make calzones from scratch for the first time ever all by himself and cut up vegetables (which he does not like), including onions (which make him tear up) to put on my calzone. I wish I had a husband who would ask me at the end of the day what I learned and what I heard and what I liked best. I wish I had a husband who wouldn't complain when he didn't manage to get his homework done over the weekend because of my plans, and who wouldn't complain when he had to get up at 5:00 am on Monday to complete his assignments. Oh, wait. Actually, I do. Well, how 'bout that!

In fact, this is not a love note. Public love notes aren't really our thing. This is more a commentary on marriage. I've been thinking A TON about marriage lately. And it may be a topic I revisit again. But what I've concluded recently (from watching other people's marriages and from contemplating my own marriage) is that marriage can be a fragile thing. How can it be so powerful at times and so frail at others? And it seems to me that everybody goes through cycles of each end of the spectrum where it's a little weaker at times and a little stronger at times. But when we've ridden out some of our struggles-- and, all right, we've only been married five years, but we have actually still had some pretty intense moments of major disagreement or contention or offending each other-- but when we've ridden out some of our struggles, we have something so much better on the other side. I'm not immune to the fact that some things are too awful to ride out together. And I'm not saying that there aren't reasons for divorce. But I recently heard a really, really weak reason for divorce with no intention of trying to work it out. And that to me was heartbreaking. Because, well, marriage really can be a dream within a dream sometimes. And that, to me, is worth making an effort.

(Patrick did not get The Princess Bride reference, but I hope somebody did.)

[Note to friends: Ah hem, I may have lost any commitment I had (or didn't have) to pretending like I was going to post a picture when I post. So let it be known, so let it be written. Hopefully, you still love me enough to read my picture-less thoughts anyway. Plus, I figure all you people who want to see our pictures are on Facebook where I recently spewed forth an over-abundance of pictures so that you can look at our cute little family until you get sick of our cuteness. There. Now I said it. Perhaps I'll surprise you from time to time, but I just wanted to shatter that dream--the dream that I would do what bloggers probably ought to do-- once and for all and make it official, though you may have come to suspect that at this point anyway.]

Sometimes God Takes You By Surprise

Earlier this semester, Patrick had a phone interview with a firm in Milwaukee (Quarles & Brady). This was his dream firm. When we went to a getting-acquainted event over Christmas during Patrick's first year at Law School, we loved the atmosphere. The event and people were classy without being ostentatious. Many of the people had families, and the firm itself has a family-friendly attitude. It's also professional and well-respected. With all this in mind, you can imagine how this might have become Patrick's goal. And you can imagine how disappointed he might have been when he received a rejection letter from this very firm after the interview. Add to this the stress of business school and his position as executive editor of Business Law Review, and you can imagine how little he was looking forward to applying to other firms which wouldn't appeal to him as much.

And then, stretch your mind a little farther, to imagine how startled he was when a lawyer from the firm called with the position changed-- they had decided that they would, in fact, like to offer him a second interview in person in Milwaukee. Now we had never heard of this happening before-- someone receiving a rejection and then receiving an offer for a second interview afterwards. So we were thrilled and hopeful. And we couldn't help but attribute this strange and unexpected change of circumstance to the hand of God. Patrick did do things that may have helped--sent thank you letters, emailed to ask for interviewing/resume advice and express his desire to work for the firm after graduation--but in most circumstances, that would not have given him a job this summer. He truly asked for advice with post-graduation in mind. This is what makes us recognize where the credit belongs.

Now imagine today how he ecstatic he was when he received a call from Quarles & Brady offering him a summer internship. You can also imagine, while you're at it, how all of us rooting for him (namely myself and our parents) celebrated with happiness when he shared the fantastic news.

Therefore, this summer, we'll be headed back to our home state-- the great and honorable and down-to-earth Wisconsin for another great summer, this time with more hope for post-graduation employment and more immediate compensation (read: paid internship).

With all of this in mind, you can imagine how sincerely I say, we thank God for making this happen. We are definitely blessed!

No, My Husband Isn't On Drugs

For those who wondered how Patrick's Lasik experience went, the answer is (and I quote), "possibly the worst experience of my life." In the office we went to, people had their eyes corrected by a doctor inside a glass room. This made it so that you could see it happening-- see them under those machines, see their eyes blown up on the computer above you, see the doctor looking through a mega-telescope to do his amazing/disgusting work. Then, when people had finished, they had to walk out the door and pass by their viewing audience. We were amazed at how composed people were. They came out with sunglasses covering their sensitive eyes and seemed unfazed by the experience. The office was probably glad that Patrick was one of the last in this grouping. He had talked himself into believing that it wouldn't be so bad, although he was pacing like a maniac, wearing holes in their carpet. However, the first thing he said to me on coming out was, "It was awful!" After that, I concluded that maybe everybody else was just putting on a show, or else they were in shock. Not my husband! He says it like it is!

In sum, the psychological effects were miserable. They were described to me in phrases like this: "they suction your eyeball up" and (at the end) "they squirt water on your eye and squeegee it off." The result of these graphic and awful descriptions is that it definitely solidified my no-Lasik-for-me stance. So, for those who wondered when my turn would come (specifically, my friend Debbie), the answer is N-E-V-E-R.

But the psychological effects were only the beginning. Patrick chose an office in Richmond. An office which doesn't routinely give out Valium (in retrospect, it's unclear to us why this is). Instead, they advised him to take Tylenol PM and go home and sleep for 4-6 hours. This is because soon after the procedure, the numbing medicine wears off and the pain is intense. On the forty minute drive home, Patrick was miserable and unable to sleep. While Patrick headed to bed in hopes of being overcome by sleep, I went to pick up the kids, did a few errands, and put the kids to bed (which I admit is not a quiet procedure), and I was startled to see Patrick come into the kitchen at 8 PM, two hours earlier than they recommended . . . and admit that he hadn't slept at all. "What have you been doing all this time?" I asked. He said, "I just lay there rolling around in pain." Ah, yes, just one more failed commercial sales pitch in the course of the twenty-four hours of our own show called Family Life in the episode entitled, "Patrick Meets His Match."

Fortunately, he slept fine that night. Over the course of the last couple of days, 20/20 vision is beginning to overcome misery, so that in a couple of weeks, he's going to be one of those people who says breezily, "It was totally worth it!" But for now the remains of his Lasik experience are medicinal eye drops four times a day, frequent headaches if he focuses too long, and red eyes. If the red eyes don't heal too soon, then he may be able to play that into some sort of zombie costume for Halloween. I rather hope it doesn't come to that because they look awful and he has interviews with two firms this week-- by skype and in person. And, though it isn't true, he looks a little bit drugged, which may not play out well at an interview.

Carpe Diem

You know that quotation by Mark Twain that people quote all the time: "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do"? Sometimes, I disagree with this quote. There are actions that people "seize the day" on that have a challenging, life-altering impact on their lives. And there are some stupid things I've done that I'll wish I hadn't done for the rest of my life. But there are times when Mr. Twain is right. There are certainly moments you come to where you must say to yourself, "I will! I will 'throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in my sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.'"

The biggest things I can think of that go with this are to get married and have children. What an adventure-- what a scary, new thing. On a smaller scale, this applies to our Disneyland trip, which we gave to ourselves after we graduated with our bachelors degrees. Was it super responsible when we were about to go into a bunch of debt for graduate school? Nope. But it was refreshing and exciting and fun and harmless. When I said, "We never do anything spontaneous anymore," Patrick said, "Let's go to Disneyland." We roped our friends into going with us, and the memory is lasting. It was perfect.

But the latest in the list of our brave, new adventures is . . . Patrick is getting Lasik eye surgery . . . today! He's been wanting to do it for a very long time. His desire to lose the glasses was reinforced when our friend Blake accidentally broke Patrick's glasses while whopping him with a pillow. Blake felt terrible, but Patrick was more annoyed at the glasses than at Blake. Who wants to limit their rough housing for a stupid little accessory! It was also reinforced during football season when it rained and rained and rained, and Patrick couldn't see a thing through that stupid windshield on his face. And the sooner the better we realized when my dad got Lasik eye surgery, and then discovered that he still needed reading glasses. Doh. How disappointing. So, we decided that with our tax return this year, he could use it to get his eyes corrected.

Now it's been a crazy semester, as I've already mentioned. But football season with intramural football is on its way. So the other day, he mentioned it. And I said, "If you want to do it, do it." And (as long as he doesn't go blind) I think this will be one of those things that we're delighted that we did. So farewell, harbor! Today dreams will be fulfilled.