Personal Improvement

On Writing

First of all, in an effort to "make my dreams come true," I've made a goal to write something every day (and that isn't including the blog, though it did include my journal one day when I wrote a novel). Mostly, it's been terrible stuff and it's been disappointing to feel I lost the gift I had when I was a kid. Yesterday, I ruined my goal by not writing at all and having no excuse for it. So today I was thinking about my thoughts on writing and this is what I thought:

"I myself don't even want to go back and read most of the things I've written during this goal and most of it isn't even much preparation for writing more. It's awful. That's what I've been thinking--am thinking, but I've been reading The Hiding Place and, like Yearning for the Living God, it motivates me to yearn for and dream for big things. It also motivates me to put my trust in One who is greater and wiser and more talented than I am. I have been given a gift and a passion. There must be a reason for the feelings we have. If we want something badly that is a worthwhile thing then that desire must be from God. But we must rely on Him to use it for a purpose.

"I have usually recognized that my writing is a gift. At times when I've written beautiful things and my pen has flowed eloquently across the page, I can't pretend that the source is my own mind. Things move so fast from my brain to the page that I've barely registered them--they pop into my mind and pop onto the page with a swiftness that isn't rational. Realizing this has reminded me that writing isn't exactly 'mine.' I love it and I even love the recognition that comes with writing well, but I can't actually claim it.

"This feeling is something that I've always related to other fields. Some dancers must feel this way when their bodies move gracefully and flawlessly beyond their own comprehension of the art or artists when something comes from their paintbrush that they could hardly envision and even scientists when inspiration hits and a new comprehension of the physical worlds takes root in their minds. God works in a way that if we'll be a bit introspective we have to recognize that what's happening in our lives--the very best that we have produced--isn't ours to claim. If we're honest we have to recognize that our passions and desires and our courage to use those feelings become His tools to express, create, and improve our mortal world.

"So my thought is that if I want to write things that aren't trash I'll have to rely on Him to help me. And I do want to write things that aren't trashy. I want to contribute worthwhile things to the world and I can't do that by myself."

I know it's kind of awkward to be publicly religious sometimes, but the things I've read lately lead me to believe there can be great power in doing it sincerely and so I thought I'd share these thoughts I had.

On Reading

I recently found a book called Yearning for the Living God in Thayne's room. I won't give a big review of it here (be my friend on goodreads if you want that), but it was a powerful book that shared so many stories of people who live by the Spirit. I was touched by the examples and felt that I could have a lot more power in my life if I made changes in the way I live. After that one, I finished Population: 485 (a book my dad sent me by a Wisconsin author which doesn't have to do with the theme I'm discussing here but is interesting), and when I finished that I was trying to avoid too much reading again so I decided to read The Hiding Place which I've read at least twice (maybe three times) before so I thought moderation wouldn't be an issue. It was. That book just amazes me. It's hard to believe that it's a true story, that there are such strong, faithful, loving Christian people in the world in such terrible circumstances. After reading these books I've felt motivated to be better. I know I have a long way to go to be the type of person I want to be, but it's motivating to recognize that there are a lot of people out there who are working on it too and who are doing better than I am right now.

On Health

"Strange things are happening to me . . . " (shout out to Toy Story music). So, Patrick recently got introduced to the government website MyPyramid (which I haven't looked at yet) and he decided he wanted to eat healthier. This includes eating fish, which he's always resisted before, and eating fruits. The fruit thing should be easy. The fish thing should be easy but it might not be. I really haven't tried to cook fish much before and the one time I did try I burned the things to a crisp. My mom never cared for fish so I never saw it prepared growing up either. I love fish--salmon is one of my favorite things to get at restaurants--but I'm not sure where to begin in our own culinary experiments. Any ideas or recipes would be most useful. If you've got anything good for us to try, email me or send me a message on Facebook (whichever is handy).

Also, our friend Michelle told us she goes running on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the university's track. When she said that, Patrick said he'd like to get in shape. I fully support this goal and I look forward to the time with Patrick working on it together, so today we went to meet Michelle. This meant I missed Mother's Group (very sadly since it's wonderful), but I convinced Patrick that we should go when it's open early in the morning and we committed to do something physical every day together. So tomorrow we're setting the alarm for 5:00 am (admire me since I'm still getting up at least once a night around 1:00 am to feed Caleb). We'll see how the baby (not to mention us) handles the new arrangement. Wish us luck!