Surge of Gratitude

I know that I haven't posted pictures in awhile, but, well, it will have to wait. I am writing because last night I was sitting in the rocking chair in the living room, rocking Caleb and singing him Primary songs, waiting for Patrick's mom to take him as she offered to watch him during the night again. While we were sitting there, Caleb brushed his little fingers over my face and I felt that that was a moment and a feeling I didn't want to forget. Somehow, too, the way I felt just overwhelmed me and I started just feeling happy and blessed and I felt that way last evening and this morning.

That's not to say it's been an absolutely perfect evening and morning. At 3:00, Mom brought Caleb down to feed and asked if I could keep him the rest of the morning since she hadn't been able to sleep at all (not really because of Caleb, although she said he had been fussy). Since that time (3:00 am), he has been trying to sleep, but he wakes up coughing a good deal. So neither of us got a lot of sleep since 3:00 am. Happily, he has fallen asleep for a nap in the car seat Dan and Michelle are loaning us and seems to be sleeping pretty soundly now. I am pretty frustrated that he doesn't seem to be improving very quickly. I am glad the fever is over (it only lasted last weekend), but I wish that we could get rid of his congestion and coughing. Also, this morning, he wet all over himself when I was changing his morning diaper. It wasn't a big deal since I wanted to give him a bath anyway, but it still wasn't very pleasant.

In any case, those things didn't ruin my good mood. I just wanted to share some of the little things that make me happy.

1. Baby fingers brushing my face. I already explained this above. It's possibly my favorite feeling ever.

2. Baby giggling. I never realized what a beautiful sound this was until I had a child. I love it! Yesterday, Mom was playing peekaboo with Caleb and he giggled for about five minutes straight while she played with him. So far that's a record.

3. Making up dog names. Whenever I hear a funny word I will say, "That would be a good name for a dog." The two latest are Zerbert and Zamboni. For those who don't know, "zerbert" is what my family always said for when you blow bubbles on someone's stomach or face and "zamboni" is the machine at an ice rink that smooths the ice. I think it sounds like a good pair, so we need two dogs to use these names-- two big dogs, I think.

4. Warm things. Specifically paper right out of the printer and laundry right out of the dryer.

5. Making lists. Um, that would explain why there are lists in so many of these entries. Plus, on to-do lists, it's so nice to cross things off.

6. Autumn. I love the season-- all the colors, especially in Wisconsin. I also love this word; I think it's much prettier than plain old "fall." I also love my niece of this name.

7. "Scumbag." I actually hated that Patrick said this when we first got married. He would call people "scumbags" and it seemed so mean to me, but I guess I've been desensitized to it because now I think it's funny. It's such a silly word, it shouldn't be taken too seriously. Plus when you're married to a tease, you need some word to use when he's driving you crazy!

8. Facebook and blogs. It's a guilty pleasure and I admit that it can be a waste of time, but I do love finding out who's getting/gotten married, who's having babies, and how people are doing. This is probably about the same as saying that I'm nosy.

9. Chocolate. I think I am gaining discretion in this area, though. I like chocolate cakes, chocolate brownies, and chocolatey ice cream in particular. Chocolate candy bars are best when they have the creamy filling (Lindor chocolates are good this way) or caramel filling (as in Caramellos). I generally prefer milk chocolate, but I think I like dark chocolate more than I used to since having a baby . . . strange, huh?

10. Games. My family didn't play games much when I was growing up, but since marrying a gamaholic I am realizing that there are some games I love. For instance, I am not good at Rook, but it's pretty fun. I guess I like getting ulcers because that game stresses me out but I like it. My favorite of course is when I have a hand with a ton of one suit and the rook, so maybe I don't like stress (since a hand like that doesn't stress me out too much), I play mostly for the good hands. I also like Clue and Catchphrase and Scrabble a lot. Recently we played a game called Blokus with some friends, and I think I like that game quite a bit too.

11. Listening to people's stories. This, too, might translate into nosiness, but so be it. It also could just be the sign of being a writer at heart. And some of it is due to my parents. They always taught me that people are important. There's a lot you can learn from listening to people and there's a lot of good you can do them when they know they're being heard.

12. Beehives. I haven't participated in Young Women's while we've been sick and I miss it. I was pretty intimidated when I got called to teach the 12- and 13-year-old girls at church, and they are pretty darn silly, but I feel like I've learned a lot from this calling and I have come to love the girls in my class. I wish I could take them with me when we move and keep teaching them and watching them grow. And I wish great things for them and I worry about some of them.

13. Compliments. Okay, that's a no-brainer, but I love compliments. My father-in-law gives the nicest compliments in the funniest way. (For instance, I got a haircut and he was studying me afterwards and said, "That really frames your face differently than we've ever seen before. It makes your face look puffier.") I've enjoyed those during their visit, and I'm not being sarcastic either-- they're flattering while making me laugh since I know he means well. Also, a while ago one of my Beehives' moms told me in the Mothers' Room at church how much her daughter enjoys my class and I haven't forgotten even though that was about five months ago.

14. Stormy, windy warm/cool days. I have lots of beautiful memories in the rain. (Also, lots of fun memories of water fights when it's not rainy.) I'm honored that my dad thinks of me when they have these sorts of days in Wisconsin.

15. Snow on my birthday and on Christmas. Snow from December 1-January 10 would be ideal.

16. Writing. I don't do this much right now except on this blog, and I don't know what will ever become of it. But it does give me such satisfaction to say things in the perfect way-- in a way that causes emotion in a reader, in a way that makes me remember what I thought or felt, in a way that brings something to life. I admit that I'm a little discouraged because I don't know where to go with it and I feel like there are a million people in the world who want to write and be published and not all of us will, but I love the process of writing and I appreciate my parents' encouragement to do something with it. They keep telling me I'm good, and they're pretty honest and well-read, so, yeah, I believe them.

17. Anticipation. I think I thrive on anticipation. I know this might seem like being discontent with life right now, but I think it's not the same. I just love to look forward to things. I look forward to when Caleb starts solids (at 6 months), I look forward to seeing people again once we're all not sick anymore, I look forward to the trip we have planned with my parents this summer, I look forward to introducing Caleb to his extended family in Arizona and Wisconsin this summer, I look forward to the new adventures of a new place and a new school in the fall, I look forward to having more children, I look forward to lots of things, and I think it keeps life interesting.

18. Being married. Sometimes I'm afraid that I come across negatively about this, but I love being married. I got married sooner than I expected in my life, but I wouldn't change it for anything. And it's not just "being married," but who I'm married to. I have a wonderful, funny, good husband. Patrick is just the type of person I want to be with forever. We are not the same and in some areas we don't even seem compatible, but we are learning together. It is true that marriage is a great teaching ground; we've both learned a lot already and we haven't yet been married three years. It keeps getting richer with time. That sounds like a silly thing to say when we've been married such a short time, but so far that's my experience.

19. The Gospel. I love the Gospel. I love the Savior. I love the scriptures. I love having hope and direction in my life. I love the Plan of Salvation. I love our prophet. I want to be good. Sometimes I'm not and in little ways sometimes I'm even a little rebellious and I'm still trying to make myself want to be good, but overall I want to be good. Not just good, but perfect and Christ-like.

20. Punctuation and language. I don't mean "grammar." I mean punctuation. I love periods and commas and exclamation points. I love playing around with them in writing and puting them (occasionally) where I know they probably shouldn't be and neglecting them in places they probably should be. I also love language. Patrick plays with words all the time and that's one thing I love about him. He throws on "-ifying" (as in "I'm pillowifying you" when he's beating me with a pillow) and other suffixes with abandon. It makes me laugh.

21. Friends. Some friends I had as a kid were Wittney, Krista, and Christopher. Two good friends I had as a kid were Debbie and Christine. We've all kind of spread out and moved on, but they are two amazing people and I'm grateful they were there when I was a teenager. In college, Michelle and I became great friends when we were roommates and I would like to think that we've been friends through an important period of our lives (all through college, and dating, and marriage, and our firstborn children) so we'll be friends forever. I know we will even if we don't keep in close contact. Since being married, I've made friends with Tara and recently with Libby and these friendships have been such fun. They've been important to me because being married has taught me that a woman always needs women no matter what a great man she has beside her.

22. Extended family. Patrick's family has just embraced me from the start. All of them-- aunts and uncles, cousins, parents, and siblings. This is especially amazing to me since we live so far from most of them. It makes me feel unconditionally like part of a rich community. My family is fantastic too. My aunt Jennifer, my uncle Roger, and my grandma Billie have all been especially important in my life for the support and attention they've given me since I was very young even though I've never lived that close to any of them. And my parents, of course, have been wonderful. I feel so blessed that I was born to them.

23. Hymns. I think the hymns and the Primary songs are actually my favorite music. They are certainly the music I know the best. It's been especially important to me during the first few months of having a baby. I'm always singing to him.

24. Adventures. My family has done some great adventures: driving around the country, taking trips without my parents telling us our destination, going kayaking with my dad (twice), white water rafting together, hiking the Grand Canyon, and various camping trips (especially daddy-daughter trips). I look forward to continuing this tradition and maybe expanding on it with our family.

25. Sign language. All right, I don't actually know it well myself. But my mom's passion has made it beautiful to me and I wish I knew it better. Really I love all languages, but this one has a special place in my heart.

26. Books. I love books. I love children's books lately because they are fun to read to Caleb and he already seems so interested. I love historical books and fiction of all kinds. Some of my favorites: Pride and Prejudice, Little Women, Anne of Green Gables, The Giver, Fahrenheit 451, Much Ado About Nothing, John Adams, A Tale of Two Cities, and many others.

There are many other things that make me happy, but these are some. And Caleb's awake now, so it's time to go.