I have lots of questions about what other moms do. Sometimes, when we are having Caleb hang out while we watch a movie or play a game, I wonder if I should be paying more attention to him. This happens both when he's fussy and when he seems content to be entertaining himself. I often question if I am successfully balancing my personal time both with selfish things like computer time or reading and necessary things like showers and eating with my mothering time. How do you gauge that? How do you feel confident about what you're doing? Do you find ways to involve your child/children in your personal activities or do you let them do their own thing? I wonder how to raise a child who is healthy, independent, and confident as well as one who feels safe, secure, and loved. Do other moms wonder about this? Sometimes I think I will not be so puzzled about this when he's older or when there are more kids in our family, but other times I realize that there will be other problems so I'm sure there will be new blog posts on those questions someday. Plus, that's still some time from now and this baby-period is an important stage in his life, so I'd like to do the best I can figuring out the question of what to do with your first child.
I'm not sure if these questions make sense, but I hope that they're clear. I would love to read either comments or other blog posts about these ideas from anybody with ideas on this subject either from your own experience with your children or babysitting or watching other parents. What do you think? How do you maintain "personal time" and also give your child the time he/she needs with you? Do you even need personal time? Should you only have personal time while your baby is napping or sleeping (which Caleb is right now)? If you aren't paying avid attention to your child for the time being because you're entertaining guests, doing your own thing, or spending time with your spouse should you leave your child to entertain himself as long as he's content to encourage independence? Should you only be concerned when the child is fussy or by then is it too late and it's obvious you've neglected him too long? If that's true, what signs do you use to figure out when he especially wants your attention? How do you figure things like these out? Do other moms wonder about this? And do other moms sometimes feel selfish? And how do you know when it's justified and when it's not?
Perhaps these are silly questions and I wouldn't have asked them when I was a very new mom because I felt like everyone else knew what they were doing, but with the perspective of a few months more of experience (so now I'm only a new mom and not a very new mom) I suspect that other moms have similar questions. Thanks for any feedback either here or in your own blogs.
2 comments:
Just so you know I still read your blog, even though I haven't commented in awhile!
I'm sure you are being a fabulous mother. The mere questions that you pose prove that. But since you are obviously always trying to be the best you can, here's what I have to offer: balance. I am a big believer in making time for yourself to relax by whatever means is relaxing for you, making time for just you and your husband, and making time for you and you baby. And most of the time there are just not enough hours in the day for those to never overlap.
Kids can learn to be independent when you let them play by themselves. Often if my baby gets fussy, I usually try to play with him more or change what we're doing. He might be hungry or tired or bored of being inside. But believe me, if your baby hasn't reached the insanely clingy phase yet, just thank your lucky stars because your 'me' time really goes down once that phase hits. I have heard though that once you have more children they are good at distracting each other (and fighting with each other).
Anyway that probably isn't anything mindblowing, but it's what i think. Don't feel too guilty for trying to take time for things other than your baby, just as long as the time you do spend one-on-one with him is plentiful.
I SOOOO know what you mean! Sometimes I feel mean for making him play by himself so I can get some free time. But really, is making dinner actually free time?
It's hard to involve him, but I often lift him up and let him see up close what's cooking or mixing or baking and if I can do whatever it is I'm doing on the floor, then I do. Or if I must be at the table, then I'll put him in the highchair. (This is only if he's bored playing by himself, though)
I wish I had all the answers...
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