2008 Winding Down

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Caleb playing Santa.

This is the way he dresses when we go walking in the cold and he can sit in the stroller (meaning there isn't snow all over the roads and sidewalks).

This is one of the first times he held onto something. I was brushing it into his face, making not-very-ferocious roaring noises and he grabbed on and (of course) tried to eat it.

This is one of the first times he didn't get massively upset to be on his stomach and, in fact, looked very peaceful and pleasant.

This is after one-too-many pictures, I guess.

These are our walking buddies Libby and her munchkin (known fondly as "the Frog"). Libby and her husband introduced us to the game Arkham Horror (which Patrick bought with his Christmas money).

This is when Mom discovered a hat that Grandma Taylor gave us and thought it would be good for a photo shoot. It would have worked better if I'd moved the blanket-- this is a hat that can definitely stand on its own.

Our son is already a better citizen than we are: he's keeping up on the news. (Actually, Patrick does a pretty good job in this area; I could use some improvement -- ah hem new year's resolution #1.)

This is a sleeper from Grandma Billie.

This is how we bundle up to go walking when I carry him. Believe me, we stay pretty warm.

I really just love this picture. He looks so curious.

Our very own "Santa baby."

Intently opening his present from his great-grandma Billie on Christmas morning.

And here they are for his playing pleasure. I love them and he loves some of them now and will love the rest very soon, I think.

After my first year of blogging, I just want to say that we've had a good year and been very blessed. Two graduations and a baby -- really, we couldn't have asked for more. And 2009 is looking very hopeful and exciting too. Huzzah for living!

Life, the Universe, and Everything

Recently, I turned twenty-three years old and just before that we celebrated Thanksgiving and right around that time a friend of mine gave birth to a baby and soon we will be celebrating Christmas. All of these have given me reason to reflect on my life and on the world in general.

Specifically, seeing my friend after she'd given birth gave me pause. She and the baby are both doing well and they both looked great, but she had just given birth a few days before I saw her, so she looked like I felt two/three months ago--tired, sore, proud, and a host of other things along with those easily labeled feelings. Seeing her in the very earliest stages of motherhood made me realize that I made it! I sort of felt that when I wrote during my last entry, but seeing her really drove that home. Patrick's aunt told me that it would happen. She said soon after she got one of her children (she adopted both of them), she wondered how she'd ever manage, but then months later she was working and a woman walked in with a newborn and the woman just looked exhausted and Pattie said, "I realized I'd made it!" And that's just exactly how I felt seeing my friend.

Looking back, I really feel that the first month or two will never be as fun and pleasant to me as the point we're at now. I almost said it won't be as "precious," but that's hardly true. That first little bit isn't something I would trade for anything. Although giving birth is exhausting (even with an epidural) it's an enormous event that I wouldn't want to replace. And the sleepless nights and the heightened emotional state are draining but the sacrifice is binding. That first bit almost constitutes a mother's contract: "By getting up every two hours or more, by working through my hormone imbalances, by devoting my energy, time, talents, and emotions to you without reservation, I hereby pledge to love you, my child, for all eternity." And besides the things I put into it, I loved his expressions that were so fresh and unstudied. I loved watching him smile even before he was at all conscious of doing it. I loved introducing him to things and knowing it was the first time he'd ever been fed, the first time he'd ever been in a car, the first time he'd ever been on a walk. There are a lot of things to love about the first two months-- a lot of things to cherish.

That being said, I think it's easier to enjoy the period I'm in now while I'm in it. Of course I did have good experiences that I recognized as good experiences in those first two months, but I realized I wasn't having a lot of fun. And I hated that people kept telling me to enjoy the period because I didn't feel like I particularly was and that made me feel like a bad mother. Now he smiles so often and has even started to laugh, and he sleeps much better and I get more sleep so it's easier to enjoy live and feel like a capable proud parent. And I am (proud at least and still working on capable)! I basically think I have the most darling, best baby in the world.

Around this time of thanksgiving and reflection, I am most grateful for the Savior, the Gospel, and my family, especially my wonderful husband and sweet baby, though all our family is fantastic, good, and kind. Having these things in my life makes me feel infinitely, almost unfairly rich. I hope that I can live my life in a way to give back to the Lord and to other people, so that He knows that I have some comprehension of how blessed I am. More than any other time in my life, I feel those blessings abundantly, and I just wanted to share that with all of our devoted (and not so devoted) readers.

Probably Too Much Information

Here for your enjoyment, a review of the last few weeks of our lives, mostly in pictures.

Caleb dressed for church in a cute sweater from Grandma. Isn't he starting to look so old? He'll soon be three months.

He has a red Mickey Mouse outfit like this, and this is his blue Tigger outfit. I just think they are both super cute. I got them at Walmart so he would have a few long pants, long shirt outfits.

This is Cosette studying Caleb. Actually, the cutest thing ever was something I didn't get on camera. He was sitting in his carseat and she would sidle over from behind his carseat and look so excited to see him and then she would scoot back behind and then sidle in front again. I think she was playing peek-a-boo, but she did it without any prompting from the adults; we were all sitting at the table talking when we noticed her doing it.

Patrick and I play backgammon with almost every meal. We thought it was about time Caleb learned how to play, so Patrick's teaching him.

Patrick eating the baby?

This year we did dinner with Dan and Michelle. Michelle is preparing an excellent vegetable dish with all sorts of vegetables I'd never tried. For instance-- brussel sprouts, really quite good when well prepared. Who knew!

Cosette munching while she waits for Thanksgiving dinner to be ready.

Daniel putting the turkey in the oil so we can fry it.

Everyone worrying about whether it will boil over or be okay. With good reason. However, it all turned out delicious and safe.

Cosette taking a pre-Thanksgiving dinner nap. Gotta get ready for the festivities.

Caleb waking up from his pre-Thanksgiving dinner nap.

Our little family on my birthday.

And again-- lit by candles this time-- Twenty-three of them!

And Caleb in his super-cute "Little builder" overall outfit.

Becoming Mom

I find that I either have time to write or to post pictures but not really both, so today is a writing post. Those of you who are only interested in this blog for the photos, be warned. Probably the next one will be mostly pictures, though.

I feel as though I am finally fitting into the role of a mom. I manage to take care of Caleb, as well as keep my mind fairly sharp with reading, go for walks with a friend in the ward, keep up with the laundry, wash dishes, vacuum occasionally, write a little everyday, practice playing Christmas carols out of the Simplified Hymnbook, and serve in my calling. Besides these things, I have also gone to the temple with Patrick, gone on a certifiable date during which we left Caleb with the Curtises, and decorated our apartment for Christmas. And this weekend Patrick invited the Teachers over after the ward Turkey Bowl to have homemade pizzas. (Math question for the day: How many pizzas do we need to make for for 0-9 fourteen- and fifteen-year-old boys?)

Taking Care of Baby

Truthfully, this just gets more and more fun. I gave a lesson not long ago at church on individual worth. I was trying to teach the girls that Heavenly Father loves them perfectly; they don't have to earn God's love and they can't lose His love. To illustrate, I explained that in however many weeks we calculated that we had been through more than 500 diapers, I had been spit up on, peed on, and pooped on, I had gotten as little as three hours a night of straight sleep, and I was regularly awakened at 4:00 am for the morning. I followed this up by asking, "Do you think I regret having Caleb?" To which the girls responded, "No!" I asked, "Do you think that I love him?" And the girls chorused wisely, "Yes!" And then I correlated that to how if I feel that way as an imperfect parent than how much more does their Heavenly Father love them than I love my little son even though I love him a lot.

And, while I loved him intensely in the midst of that phase, and in fact he still does some of those things, he also responds to me and smiles sometimes just because he sees me smiling. And he sometimes calms down when he's upset just because I pick him up. And he looks so much like an angel when he's not unhappy or angry. And he is mostly a very pleasant baby except for on difficult days. And last night, he went to bed at 10:00 and woke up around 4:30 and then went back to sleep until 7:15, which was amazing and blissful, and one other time he slept for seven hours straight. And he has started to look like he's looking at the pictures when I read him books. And he has started sucking on his hand sometimes and it's oh-so-cute. And he babbles, saying "oh" and "ah" and variations of those. And he sometimes lays on the floor and just waves his arms and legs widely looking like he's ready to get up and go any minute now. And, in essence, I do love him and I'm so grateful for him and proud of every little development and excited to see what kind of person he develops into.

Reading

I decided not long ago that I needed to read all the religious books on our shelves. Patrick bought a ton of different ones on his mission which neither of us have managed to read yet. I started out with Trusting Jesus by Jeffrey R. Holland and I enjoyed reading it very much. It's made up of different talks he has given at General Conferences of the Church. I ordered the books to decide which I will read when. However, I also decided I needed some variety-- which I'm sure will be more true when I arrive at Nibley, McConkie, and Talmage. So I will also be visiting the library and double-checking our shelves to read plenty of other things too.

After Trusting Jesus, I read Digging to America. I really enjoyed this book. I felt like it took a look at some really interesting and relevant issues. However, it looked at these issues using very normal, very real people, so it will probably never be considered a classic. And, while I like some classics, there is definitely something to be said for real characters who readers can relate to. The story is about two families who adopt daughters from Korea and become good friends. One family is what I've dubbed "organic American" and one is Iranian-American. While they're distinctive and have funny character flaws, they are healthy people with healthy relationships with their spouses, extended family, and friends. I enjoyed reading about the interplay of interactions between people; that's really what this story was about.

I then read The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks. I previously enjoyed A Walk to Remember (before the movie ever came out), but I frequently feel that Nicholas Sparks is too mushy for me. I'm not enough of a romantic maybe. Sometimes it just feels too fake and sometimes too sensual to me. It's the same way I feel about a lot of LDS romances. Anyway, my mom recommended The Wedding, and since I had really liked A Walk to Remember, I decided to give it a try. It is really good. Maybe I could relate to it a little more than some of his other characters because the main character is supposedly not that romantic. To illustrate this part of me, I will just refer back to the days when Patrick and I were dating and I asked, "Patrick, will you write me poetry?" And he responded, "Are you out of your mind!" While you may think that says more about Patrick than about me, you can note that I married him knowing that's how he is, so I clearly found his down-to-earth approach to life more attractive than swooning and rhyming.

Following that, I read Sarah, Plain and Tall. Pattie has the movies and I enjoyed them, so I decided to read the book. I remember having it as a choice to read in elementary school and thinking the name made me feel like she was "Sarah, Plain and Boring," so I opted out at the time. The dialogue seemed awkward to me both in the book and the movie because they don't use contractions, but I suppose they haven't always been around. Nevertheless, it feels awkward. But the story was cute, anyway.

And next I'm reading John Adams. As I've mentioned before, 1776 used to be my favorite movie and the portrayal of John Adams-- particularly singing "They want me to quit. They say, John, give up the fight, but still to England I say, Good night, forever good night!" and corresponding back and forth with Abigal, who also fascinates me (though my interest in their relationship may suggest I'm a bit of a romantic after all)-- has always stirred me. I think he must have been a really interesting man. My grandma got me this book ages ago and I don't know why I never got farther in it because it is a well-written biography, but I intend to remedy that now.

Walking

This is the last of my accomplishments that I plan to dwell on, but I do want to mention it, particularly for those of you who thought I sounded a bit pathetic in the last entry. I had been walking regularly by myself, motivated by the need to get out of the house and by the need to lose some post-pregnancy weight (because I'm not as fortunate as three or four other women I've met or heard of recently who already fit back into their pre-pregnancy pants) and I was enjoying my walks, especially because I get the feeling that Caleb likes to be out of doors too. However, the other day while walking I ran into a woman my age from the ward with a baby born the same week as Caleb who suggested we begin walking together. And we did this week. The plan is to go everyday. And the two times we actually went this week were so pleasant. It is nice to have company sometimes, especially the company of a woman. Some other women from the ward may join our company and I think that would be fun too, especially since I hardly know anyone in the ward who isn't involved with Young Women's.

That's all for now. I just wanted all my friends and admirers to know that I am becoming SuperMom and I am actually loving it, though I was starting to wonder if I ever would. Hurrah for getting past post-partum emotions and for getting a handle on the changes in life!

Note: For some reason the i-button on Patrick's computer has been flakey and required a firm push which I haven't always managed to achieve. This may mean that I am missing some i's. Just thought you might like to know why if you see that it has happened.

Adventures with Caleb

Life is going so well here. I am busy with Caleb and housekeeping, Patrick is busy with school and work, and Caleb is busy sleeping, eating, and growing. Since being a full-time mom, I have tons more respect for all mothers everywhere. It is way more work than I ever really conceived of. I pictured having a lot more free time, but there isn't as much of it as I imagined there would be, and when I have free time, it doesn't seem to go uninterrupted for long. Lack of free time doesn't matter when Caleb is awake and happy . . . especially since he recently has started smiling at us, but it is a little more difficult to deal with when he's upset.

I have decided that most of the time when he's screaming and upset and I have cared for his needs in every way I can think of, he is just tired and wants to sleep. I'm amazed to see him looking drowsy sometimes but fighting to stay awake. I remember hating sleep when I was a kid because there was just so much to do in the world, but I didn't imagine that started when kids were so little. At two months, he's already recognized how much there is to see and hear and do, so he tries to stay awake. We think for this reason and others, that our little boy is pretty advanced for his age.

Of course, his major early achievement (i.e. rolling over) has not been repeated for some time now, so I'm wondering if it was easier to manage when his body was smaller. He has grown so much that it's almost like he has to relearn it over again. (Perhaps the most fun of being a parent is trying to figure him out and guessing at what is going on in his world. Since I spend more time with him than anybody who's to say I'm wrong. I may not be an expert at anything else in the world, but Caleb I am an expert on . . . until he's a teenager, at least.)

On the topic of being a mom and the difficulties involved in that, I have some thoughts which I have been discussing via Facebook with another stay-at-home mom, a friend from my stake in Wisconsin when I was growing up. I have found that it is a lonely situation. I try to talk to Caleb because I know it's good for him, but by the time Patrick comes home everyday I am hungry for adult conversation. While Patrick is technically an adult and he does sometimes satisfy this need, those of you who know him will not be surprised to learn that engaging in adult conversation at the end of the day isn't his idea of a really satisfying past time. He would much rather play. Considering that Caleb isn't old enough to really do that, Patrick's playfulness satisfies certain needs as well, so I'm grateful for that.

I am also fascinated by the intelligence required to be a mom. It's definitely there. It takes certain creativity to try to understand this little person who can't communicate and to satisfy his needs. However, it uses a different part of my brain than school and work did, and I can't help missing some of that stimulation. I have read books to satisfy those needs -- so far, one called Crashing Through and one called Raising Cain -- but still it's not the same as the almost full-time demands on my brain required from my previous occupations. I was so delighted when my friend Michelle asked me to edit a one-page paper for her that I pulled out my dictionary and did quite a thorough job on the thing. Later, I almost jumped at a request from her husband to edit his paperwork for graduate school applications.

A funny experience related to my stay-at-homedness (new word) occurred yesterday. I was on a walk with Caleb (a pasttime I am going to have to find a way to maintain into the winter to keep my sanity) and two older women from our neighborhood were outside talking to each other. They greeted me and were so sweet and friendly. One of them told me again and again how lucky Caleb is to have me as a mom and he doesn't even know it yet. Then she asked me if I get lonely at the house by myself and I admitted that, yes, I do sometimes and that it is much different than when I was working and in school. I thought this might be followed up by an offer to come by and visit sometime or an invitation to come over to their houses to visit. Instead they patted my arm and said kindly, "Well, you'll be blessed for staying home with him. Someday, you'll look back on this and be so glad you did it." I'm happy to know that I'll be blessed and was grateful for their reassurance, but I sure could have used a little more proactive approach to my situation. It was a funny experience.

Anyway, pictures of our sweet baby follow below. His latest developments include smiling at us and making sweet gurgling noises-- both of which we absolutely love. It's so fun to just talk to him when he's in a contented smiley mood. Both of us love it.

Here's our sweet baby in one of his Halloween outfits. He's sleeping on a quilt Grandma Taylor made for Patrick. She later sent us a matching one for him. We love them both.

This is me on a Sunday with him. We do polo onesies for him on Sundays so he's a little dressier than the rest of the week. He doesn't look all that pleased about it in this photo. In any case, I am happy to say the shirt I'm wearing in the picture is from pre-pregnancy and it's fairly flattering on me again now. Yay!

Patrick and Caleb both looking very classy.

Patrick goofing around by himself.

Patrick goofing around with Caleb.

Our October camping trip. He's dressed in three layers here taking a nap in my arms.

This is the next morning. It was a very, very cold night. I originally didn't want to broadcast the fact that we were taking our six-week-old baby on a camping trip in October when some people don't even take their kids out of the house for three to six months. However, now that we've all come out of the adventure healthy, well, and a little wiser, I don't mind saying that we had a good time and he was great for his first camping trip.

The Curtises went on the camping trip with us and then agreed to hang out with us the next day. We went for a beautiful walk, then returned to their place and ate chips and salsa while playing Risk.

This was Patrick's first time napping with Caleb. I do it way more often than he does, but I thought they looked so cute, so I took a picture.

Patrick's family sent us a Halloween box with new outfits for Caleb. This was one of them. The socks are a little big, but they are pretty cute.

And here he is in his Halloween outfit . . . smiling. Isn't he adorable!
A more full view is just below, but I love his face in this picture.

Here he is with our pumpkins. We carved them on Monday for Family Home Evening. The one in the middle is Caleb's: Patrick insisted everyone in the family needed one. Patrick's is on the left and mine is on the right.

That's all for now. Check back again soon and you can see him keep on growing.

Quick Update

So the pictures which follow my entry are kind of in backwards chronological order because of the order I uploaded them and the fact that I am too lazy to rearrange them. Mostly, I just wanted grandparents and other interested parties to see the latest changes with the baby. He's so dang cute and, if possible, seems to be getting cuter.

One of the latest joys with him has been that we were able to sleep six hours straight last night -- from 9:00 pm until 3:00 am and then he didn't wake up for the morning until 6:00 am. This is a change from his usual 1:00 am feeding and then his personal alarm waking him up for the morning at 4:00 am. We hope this is his new schedule until he manages to sleep 8 hours straight, but even if it's not, we're grateful for this one night of blessed sleep. In any case, I think he sleeps better than a lot of people's babies even on what's a rough night for him, so we really can't complain.

Also, he rolls over. I mentioned that in the last entry, but I had hoped to get it on camera. To no avail. He is not a showman. In fact, I don't think he's done it when other people were watching yet, so Patrick and I are the only witnesses. It is still true, though.

I think one of the interesting things I'm discovering as a mom is how quickly he changes. We seem to be on a schedule or have something figured out and then the next day he behaves entirely differently, so we have to figure him out anew. It makes for an adventure though, doesn't it.

Without further ado, we now present, the cutest little pumpkin (almost literally in some of these outfits) you've ever seen:


Here he is yesterday, wide eyed and bushy-tailed. When he's awake and calm he always seems so interested in things and curious.

Here he is again from a different angle. One of the things I've learned that I most enjoy about him (and perhaps newborns in general) is watching their raw (unpracticed) expressions, which are so varied from minute to minute.

All spruced up for Halloween. He's dressing for it all month because his grandmas each got him an outfit or two for the holiday. He's outgrown some outfits already because he's growing so quickly. This outfit seems like it might last him the three months that it promises, though, so he may be dressing for Halloween periodically all the way into December. I don't mind. He's so cute! (By the way, the hat says "Boo!" He doesn't like hats very much, so we're lucky it's even on even though it isn't at all straight anymore.)

Oh, a look at another one of his fun expressions. The best expressions come when they are stretching, and he is the master of stretching. Here and above he's sitting in the swing which Patrick's cousin Sandy sent us. He loves the swing. In fact, he really just loves to move. He mostly just sits still when he's sleeping and not a whole lot even then.
Well, that's all the comments for now because he's awake and angry so I better go figure out what the deal is. Enjoy the rest of the pictures.