Pregnancy

My favorite thing about pregnancy is that I can feel the baby kicking often now. I love feeling like he's there and he's doing things. I also love that sometimes he reacts to me: I push in on him and he kicks back at me. I like to think he knows something is going on out here. The other day, he wasn't being active before we went to bed but Patrick was unusually interested in feeling him so he kept pushing in on my stomach in different spots. Right after he gave up, the baby started moving, so apparently Patrick did wake him up. Sometimes the activity makes it harder to sleep, but I still thought this instance was funny. I also like that I can actually see the baby moving now. Sometimes it looks (and feels) like my stomach is having these funny little spasms. These are my favorite things and I think that they are likely to be my favorite things until the baby is actually born. Then it will be weird not to have my stomach spasm unpredictably. I may be a little disoriented by that. Of course, at nine months . . . probably not.

Although I have been so, so fortunate throughout this pregnancy, I do have a few discomforts. My physical discomforts include an aching back, a cramped stomach (sort of between my chest and my stomach), occassional leg cramps in the middle of the night-- although that's not such a problem since I have been consuming more calcium, a return to the first trimester fatigue beginning this week, frequent need for the bathroom to relieve myself, and other minor irritants like that.

Because I know that the above listed discomforts are nothing compared to what women throughout time have dealt with and even what women in this modern time deal with, that isn't the most frustrating thing to deal with. I mostly think, "Well, okay. This I can handle even if it is uncomfortable."

What does drive me crazy, you ask? What is much, much more distressing is the feeling that I am a community pet. Sometimes I feel as though the world believes that pregnant women are a communal responsiblity so they feel free to make comments that I just wish people wouldn't make. And it is the comments that bother me. People touching my stomach hasn't been a big issue. Mostly so far the people who do it are family and many family members ask permission and are actually very respectful of personal boundaries. Those that aren't, mostly don't bother me (so far) because I think their enthusiasm is fun. Yesterday was the first time someone not related to me had reached out and touched my stomach and it wasn't a big deal (but don't test it without asking permission). No, it's the comments.

These are the things I have concluded:
1. I don't want to discuss my size with other people. I recognize that I have a distorted perception of what I look like compared to other pregnant women and I don't need people's stupid comments in my head to mess up my perception even more. Most of the time I can accept that I am bulky and heavy just because I am pregnant and this is not a permanent condition, but I don't want to hear that I am "huge" or "look very pregnant." Sandy (Patrick's cousin) loaned me a book (which is actually quite funny) called The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy or something like that, and the author recommends that you don't pay attention to your weight. If there's a problem, the doctor will make you aware of it, but why stress about it when there is only so much control you have over the situation and you are supposed to gain weight (25-30 lbs according to my friend studying dietetics).

2. I don't want to hear about my belly button. All right, it sticks out. I said it. Now everyone else can feel free to not comment on it. Patrick can get away with making fun of it, but he's pretty much the only one so, everyone else, beware!

3. I don't want to discuss my eating habits with you. Don't tell me what pregnant women should and should not eat. There are lists online and between all of the lists one can find, one can pretty much rule out every food I'm interested in eating. As not eating is also not healthy, you just let me do my thing and I'll let you do yours. Of course, if it really could harm the baby and you are absolutely sure that it could, all right, then you can tell me and I'll look into it myself.

4. Don't make comments about the future health and well-being of my child. I don't want to hear that anything I'm doing or not doing could damage his IQ or lungs or heart. I appreciate your concern, but I worry enough without your help, thank you very much. I pretty much think my kids are going to be healthy and normal and I'd just like to keep deluding myself that way until I have to start sending them to therapists and things.

I'm not actually an angsty person, and possibly after the pregnancy hormones have worn off I will be embarrassed by this blog, but for now, I feel okay about it. Of course, I appreciate some unsolicited avice, but I'm not certain enough of what kind to be able to lay it out for you . . . so advise at your own risk. And if I ask for advice that's a whole different story. Either way I think a little sensitivity may be in order here.

Finally, this isn't actually meant to single anyone out or to pass on unknown passive aggressive feelings. It's really just a rant at people sometimes being stupid who aren't even really stupid people. Now, if only I can remember this advice for other pregnant women, the world will be a beautiful place.